I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
