you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I can't turn off my feet"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
