How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
