she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
