I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
3 2 1 whiskey
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
