You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
