I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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