My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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