I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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