I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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