ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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