I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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