Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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