I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
