I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
how drunk are you?
Several
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
