At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
