ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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