My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
