Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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