her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
