..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
