don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just want nice things and good sex
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
