Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
