So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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