i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Randomize
