Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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