Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
