ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize