Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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