so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
