Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize