3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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