Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
