dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You ate ashes out of my bong
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
