Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
