Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize