Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
