You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
