bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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