Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i came on her dog
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
