I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
