the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
what day is it and did you see me today?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
