what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
