Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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