i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
