hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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