Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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