if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
