the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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