I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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