Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
