Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
