I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
