boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i think im in europe. pls send help
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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