What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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