hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
