He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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