You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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