the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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