dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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