did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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