I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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