Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
