So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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