I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
