So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Randomize
