fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
