i need an iv and a liver transplant
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
