Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize