i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
