Only a mothe r could love this liver
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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