Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
