I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
